Old Spice Ranks Baltimore #58 In Sweatiest Cities List

Here’s a competition you don’t want to win: which city ranks as the sweatiest city? Old Spice has done us all a favor by once again publishing their annual rankings. If you don’t want to sweat it – plan your vacations for one of the bottom tier cities like Seattle or San Francisco. What was my wife thinking when she and her sister headed off last summer to San Antonio in the middle of the summer? No surprise that the two husbands declined the offer of taking in their high school reunion bash. Of course this year the family is loading up the van for a trip to Florida in July – combining max heat with max humidity – but at least we have the beach to cool us off. Plus at this stage in life, if you have an opportunity to gather all the troops together, it is worth the sweat equity.

In an effort to increase the volume of human knowledge, and hopefully move a few more truckloads of Old Spice deodorant in the process, Procter & Gamble has delivered to a waiting public its Fifth Annual Top-100 Sweatiest Summer City Ranking, a list of leading American cities ranked – a highly appropriate word in this case – according to how much perspiration the typical inhabitant can be expected to generate during the hot months.

Given that the list is 100 cities strong, those at the tail end could reasonably be said to be America’s least sweaty cities, so that a more appropriate title for the entire list might be something along the lines of American Cities, From Sopping to Sere.

According to P&G’s study, the ten leading locales for gushing forth your bodily fluids via skin pores are, from the top, Phoenix, Las Vegas, Tucson, Dallas, Corpus Christi, San Antonio, Austin, Shreveport, Houston, and Waco. New Orleans, which, given recent weather history, probably leads the entire world in profuse sweating when hurricane season rolls around, comes in at number 12.

I just hope that some competing brand like Right Guard doesn’t point their crack marketing team down a similar path to rank sweatiest people! At least now I can place some of the blame on my humid environs. If you level off the playing field I will be exposed as the human epitome of the derogatory saying, “he sweats like a pig.” Then again, has anyone seriously examined how much a pig actually sweats? To fill that academic void, I checked things out … and discovered: Pigs don’t sweat! Just another famous saying down the tubes where the gullible public has been exploited because of their laziness in checking out the facts.

But get this: Pigs don’t actually sweat! Nope, unlike people, pigs lack eccrine (“EK-rin”) sweat glands in their skin. (You, you have millions!) Eccrine sweat glands pump out sweat to keep your body temperature steady. Sweating cools you off when you need it. Pigs, instead, cool off by lying in cool, cool water or mud. Or by living in not-hot, just-right barns.